Corporate jargons and what they really mean

In my decade of experience in the corporate world, I have found it to be very funny. These are collection of few sentences that we often hear in cubicles or cabins. I am sure most of you in office have heard these and experienced it.

What they Say What it really means
That’s very interesting. I do NOT Agree, useless
You need to see the big picture. Top Management thinks it’s a good idea.
Help me to understand. You have really done stupid work or asked stupid question
You have to show some flexibility. You have to do it whether you want to or not.
We have an opportunity. Start working on plan and presentation, I need it today
You obviously put a lot of work into this. Inspite of your best effort there in no Quality of the work
It’s not a perfect world. Just get it working and get it done
We have to leverage our resources. Put your team and yourself to work on weekend
You just don’t understand our business. Don’s Assk questions, just do it
My mind is made up. If youstill want to discuss it further, my door is always open. You will have to do it this way only
I appreciate your contribution. get lost now, work is over
We’re going to follow a strict methodology here. There is only one way, MY WAY
Cost of ownership is a significant issue. We want don’t want to spend more, just show me the money baby
Individual contributor. Employee who does real work.
Your project is on hold. You are about be fired or transferred
You needed to be more proactive. Get ready for the bombshell
I’d like your buy-in on this. I want you to share the blame, if it goes wrong
We need to syndicate this decision. We need to spread the blame if it backfires.
We have to put on our marketing hats. Forget the execution part at the moment
It’s impractical. It’s execution will be a challenge I don’t know how to do it.
It’s a no-brainer. It’s a perfect decision for me to handle.
I’m glad you asked me that. I already have an answer, that will confuse you
There are larger issues at stake. I’ve made up my mind so don’t bother me with the facts.
I’ll never lie to you. The truth will change frequently.
Our business is going through a paradigm shift. Currently we have no idea what we are doing, we are planning for future
Value-added. Jack up the prices
The upcoming reductions will benefit the vast majority of employees. The upcoming reductions will benefit me.
While I don’t disagree. I totally disagree.
I don’t totally disagree with you. You may be right, but I don’t care.

If you liked this post, to read other articles on corporate humour read here… https://parmazing.net/corporate-humor/

 

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About Sudeep

I am an avid reader, an average writer, an amateur painter and a consultant by profession. I also did my mechanical engineering and MBA to earn my bread. If you liked my thoughts and images please do comment

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