In my decade of experience in the corporate world, I have found it to be very funny. These are collection of few sentences that we often hear in cubicles or cabins. I am sure most of you in office have heard these and experienced it.
| What they Say | What it really means |
| That’s very interesting. | I do NOT Agree, useless |
| You need to see the big picture. | Top Management thinks it’s a good idea. |
| Help me to understand. | You have really done stupid work or asked stupid question |
| You have to show some flexibility. | You have to do it whether you want to or not. |
| We have an opportunity. | Start working on plan and presentation, I need it today |
| You obviously put a lot of work into this. | Inspite of your best effort there in no Quality of the work |
| It’s not a perfect world. | Just get it working and get it done |
| We have to leverage our resources. | Put your team and yourself to work on weekend |
| You just don’t understand our business. | Don’s Assk questions, just do it |
| My mind is made up. If youstill want to discuss it further, my door is always open. | You will have to do it this way only |
| I appreciate your contribution. | get lost now, work is over |
| We’re going to follow a strict methodology here. | There is only one way, MY WAY |
| Cost of ownership is a significant issue. | We want don’t want to spend more, just show me the money baby |
| Individual contributor. | Employee who does real work. |
| Your project is on hold. | You are about be fired or transferred |
| You needed to be more proactive. | Get ready for the bombshell |
| I’d like your buy-in on this. | I want you to share the blame, if it goes wrong |
| We need to syndicate this decision. | We need to spread the blame if it backfires. |
| We have to put on our marketing hats. | Forget the execution part at the moment |
| It’s impractical. It’s execution will be a challenge | I don’t know how to do it. |
| It’s a no-brainer. | It’s a perfect decision for me to handle. |
| I’m glad you asked me that. | I already have an answer, that will confuse you |
| There are larger issues at stake. | I’ve made up my mind so don’t bother me with the facts. |
| I’ll never lie to you. | The truth will change frequently. |
| Our business is going through a paradigm shift. | Currently we have no idea what we are doing, we are planning for future |
| Value-added. | Jack up the prices |
| The upcoming reductions will benefit the vast majority of employees. | The upcoming reductions will benefit me. |
| While I don’t disagree. | I totally disagree. |
| I don’t totally disagree with you. | You may be right, but I don’t care. |
If you liked this post, to read other articles on corporate humour read here… https://parmazing.net/corporate-humor/
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